New Job Opportunity I Finished My CNA Classes

CNA Certification Card

I finally finished my CNA classes woohoo!

I went out last night after classes to celebrate.  I ended up taking my roommate out to have a good time.  I haven’t been out with him for awhile, so he was the first logical choice.  Besides I also felt bad for all the messes and nastiness I had left around the house during my stressful class time.  Some days I had enough time to sleep and feed the dog.  Other days I didn’t even come home, because I had to work overnight and go straight to my CNA classes. It was a rough three weeks.

I passed the class and now I have to wait for my final state exam results to come back.  I don’t know if I passed the state exam, but I feel good about it.  The instructor was talking to me about working for a traveling CNA company after the test, so I’m going to take that as a good sign.

Once I get my CNA license number I can officially apply for jobs around the area.  I would have to say I am lucky because some of the places pay pretty decent.  More than I make now working overnights / weekends in the ER at the hospital.  Many of the people I work with want me to stay at the hospital either in the ER or the OR.  I’m not sure I want to leave the hospital, but I can get paid more at quite a few other places.

Everything isn’t always about pay

What my decision will come down to is if I like the facility, the way they treat their customers, the pay, benefits, and atmosphere.  I’m hoping to do more research into each company before I jump into a job.

I have to say after all that hard work with no sleep and stress, that it’s good to have mundane decisions that can result in better opportunities for me.  At least now I have choices, and choices are always good.


Overwhelming Urge to Purge Everything

I’ve decided to start getting rid of my unwanted things in my office all while starting CNA classes for extra money.

Let me start with the CNA classes

I’ve decided to take Certified Nursing Assistant classes for either a second job or to replace my current job.  There is much more demand for it in the area I live in and if I do decide to move the certification will travel well.  There are some tough jobs at night that pay pretty decent and since I am used to working weekend nights, it won’t be that different from my current lifestyle.

Now on to the decluttering

Ever since getting divorced and moving 1000 miles away from home I have felt as though I am poor.  I have felt that I cannot take care of my current lifestyle.  Not that I have an inflated lifestyle, because hell I cut my own hair, but I feel as though as I have too much stuff to take care of with money.

Starting slow

I have this overwhelming urge to ditch everything in my life and move with a suitcase.  I have been ignoring it for almost 12 months now, since moving in 2013.  It comes and goes, but usually sticks around when some big expense comes along that I didn’t expect.  The newest one was when my mobile home park got sold to the new owners.  My rent went up by about $110 plus new utilities.  That’s a huge expense I didn’t expect, especially because it isn’t the first of the year and this place is pretty, for lack of a better word, ghetto.

I moved into my park as kind of a last resort for lack of other places to move, and so if I couldn’t find a roommate I could afford it.  I can no longer afford it on my own and feel like I NEED my roommate.  I am not sure if I am just trying to be independent or wanting to distance myself from needing anyone (i.e. divorce) but this need for someone freaks me out.  I assume it’s me trying to move on from my divorce and live in my current life, because any sort of clingy people freak me out and can cause panic attacks.

The other day a friend of mine messaged me three times to see when lunch was going to be, all in the span of about 2 hours.  Something inside of me flipped and I couldn’t even bring myself to come up with an excuse.  I dropped the friend and haven’t been able to talk to him since.

Where I am going to start

I am not going to commit to lunches, dating or anything else that makes me feel uncomfortable.  I am going to commit to living in the moment and what feels good and right.  I will not drop commitments, so I will limit the ones I make until I can figure out where the panic attacks are triggered.

I will start decluttering my office.  I really hate the word decluttering, because it is so open to interpretation.  For me it means, I am going to write down how I want my office to function.  Starting with: homework / computer desk, sitting area, TV / Entertainment area, tool / lawn mower storage.

I will then start giving away or throwing away the stuff I for surely no longer want or need.  From there I will make boxes of stuff I might want to give away and let sit in boxes for a week.  Within that week while cleaning out more I can easily come up with whether or not I definitely don’t want something or I will miss it.

From there the sky’s the limit.  I will not make future plans, because that is where I freak out and have panic attacks.  If I do make future plans I will keep it to myself until I can figure out how to not freak out.

before office

Here’s the before picture of my office. Yikes!


There is More to Life than Debt Freedom

What do I eat at 12:30AM when you are hungry and nothing is open… Whatever the hell I want lol.

It doesn’t matter that nothing is open, it just matters that I don’t limit myself.  Why should I?

I work on my feet 5 days a week running around a hospital on-call basically to help whomever needs me out.  I run, I walk, I push, I pull, I squat, I bend, I twist, I turn… I am so overdone when Sunday rolls around.  I am tired, worn out, and just happy to be me.

I feel constricted where I live, but only if I let it

I am told what to NOT do by about everyone I come in contact with.  Don’t act that way, don’t say that word, don’t eat that way, don’t don’t don’t.  I am sick of being told what to do, I am not a 16 year old acting out trying to get attention.  I may have been divorced, but it doesn’t drive me.  You know what does?  I do, so I say make me happy.

No, I don’t drink all night and stay out doing drugs, but I do whatever makes me happy.  I  work nights, I eat pizza at 12:30am in the morning. I bake whole wheat scones with dark chocolate and mixed berries and I don’t care if anyone around me likes my cooking (they don’t by the way… too healthy for them).  I sing when I am happy, I make up songs that are whatever the hell they are, I play my violin (Twinkle Twinkle Little Star is all I know) and I love every minute of it.  To be this free is the best feeling in the world.

A lot of financial bloggers equate this sort of feeling to debt freedom… I’m not so sure about that one.  I think they put too much emphasis on debt freedom and not enough on enjoying the hell out of life.  I think the secret to life, happiness, and finance is to be the best YOU, you can be. (or ‘me’ in my case lol)

Here’s to living life!

Here’s me learning Twinkle Twinkle Little Star on my Violin.  Why, because I can.


Here is my scone that I baked, but no one around me liked. More for me :)


and here is the last song I made up and sang to a friend of mine to cheer him up.


Sometimes you just have to take your life by the balls and say “Life you are mine to live”.  That’s what I am doing, living my life and not worrying every second about every decision I make whether it be financial, educational, emotional, or even with my career.

Life you are mine to live!

How can you take your life back and live it? Are you constantly worrying about decisions you make?  When will you be happy? That last question is a trick question, NOW is the answer :)


Dating Rules Do you Split the Bill?

Dating Rules Do you Split the Bill

Dating is confusing

There are way too many dating rules that I feel I am missing out on, like for instance do you split the bill?   I had been discussing this very problem with friends when I came across an interesting post on this subject.  It was on Frugal Rules by Cat from Budget Blonde called “Should you date a guy that doesn’t pay for dinner?” At the end of it there was an interactive discussion on whether guys or women should pay for dinner on the first (or first few) dates.

I have been wondering if there was something in the water or if I was being old fashioned.  I had been thinking I had a screw loose, because the guys I have come in contact with had expected the woman to pick up their side of the check.  If not, they were seen as moochers and quickly moved on.

I can understand men wanting to safeguard against woman using guys for a free meal and then moving on, but I would think that somewhere in conversations before the date there would be red flags.  Like for instance there is nothing in common between the two parties, she doesn’t have a job, or she isn’t professional.  That is my thinking, but the local thinking is there aren’t a lot of professionals looking to date, guys don’t care if they have anything in common, and guys don’t always ask enough questions to find out if the female has a job.

I do have a lot to learn about my new area, but I am still wondering why guys don’t pay for meals.  I find it very strange if a guy doesn’t pay at all.  I usually split the bill just so I am not obligated to continue dating if I find the date a dud.  Otherwise, I am old fashioned when it comes to wanting the guy to open doors for me and pay for a meal.  I want to know he is interested in me by the kind gestures that make the night special, such as opening doors and picking up the tab.

I have to quote John Elway as he compares free agents to dating “I view free agency like dating, if you didn’t want me to scoop them up then you have treated them better”.  That’s all I want is to be treated better than before.  I would much rather take the chance as a “free agent” (single) than be in a relationship I don’t want to be in.

Do you split the bill?  Are you old fashioned?  Are you modern and split everything?


Keep your Goals to Yourself

Keep Goals a Secret

I watched a TED talk by Derek Sivers in which he says there is research on why you should keep your goals to yourself.  Telling others of your goals is only good if your friends keep you in check.  Otherwise talking about goals makes you feel as though you already achieved your goals. For me talking about goals makes me freak out about the future.

For those of you that don’t know I work in the ER mostly on weekends. This causes me to not want to go out and put more drama on my plate.  Which in turn makes me stay home and do yoga while I watch a movie. This helps me prepare for all the good, bad, funny and in-between drama I come in contact in the ER.

Did I mention I get to work with some awesome people?

All of the people I work with are awesome and I can see why I gravitate towards getting to know them.  You see they all have these amazing goals involving getting a better job, moving to a new state or moving on with graduate school. Last weekend it seemed as though they all sprung it on me they all were leaving / moving on this spring / summer. I was elated for them, really I was.  They all deserve to do amazing things in life and I am happy for them all.

I felt like I would have a panic attack.

Where was I in life compared to all these amazing and brilliant people, but sick and not even in school at the moment.  My cold had changed to a sinus infection and I was freaking out about future goals when I should have been asleep.  Of course that is when all my great / bad / crazy ideas come, in the middle of the night when I should be happily dreaming and sleeping.  I was wide-awake beating myself up for letting everyone else beat me to the game I so wanted to win.  This game that I created in which I came to North Dakota to make a better life for myself.

It’s just a Game.

I remembered talking about the Super Bowl with a friend.  How disappointed we both were that the Broncos had lost.  I remembered that in the end the Super Bowl was just a game.  I had made life into a game.  I had forgotten to live in the moment and be present, instead of focusing on a future outcome.

I was so caught up in the wonderful lives all the people I work with were excited about, that I forgot to remember where I came from.  I came here from a divorce, to finish school, to let myself feel my feelings and to heal.  Not to move and find something better, or move quickly onto the next goal.  I had forgotten how to just live.

Just Breath.

After some meditation I realized that I could learn from those around me.  See what their next move is and learn from that.  I could stay put and be happy.  I could just be in the moment and love where I am. I could go back to school after I got better, after I healed and when I was ready to move on.  Not when I thought I should be ready.  No more games thinking everything will be better in the future.  Only living in the present.

Love the life you live.  Live the life you love.

Do you ever get involved wishing for the future and not living in the present?  Do you share your goals or keep them a secret?